Funny Family Stories and Cosmic Payback!

Every family has stories that get repeated over the years. The stories where you simultaneously dread hearing them and find that they grow funnier with distance.

My dad was a prankster. He was known for his dry wit and his laughter. He loved practical jokes. And, like any prankster, he occasionally pushed it too far.

It started one Christmas when he had returned from a work trip to Eastern Kentucky. He brought me this little black squirrel carved out of coal. It had a big, bushy tail and just fit in the palm of my hand. My dad joked that only kids who are bad get coal for Christmas. But I adored that squirrel.

I guess that encouraged him to push it a little further. The next Christmas, when I came into the living room, my brother ran straight for the presents under the tree. But I saw a plastic bag laid out with my name on it. Inside the bag was a bundle of sticks—I kid you not. An actual bundle of sticks. I’m laughing in disbelief as I type this, but the note, in my dad’s handwriting, said: “Michele, you’ve been bad this year, so you get these sticks. Love, Santa”

This time I didn’t take the joke well. Never mind that the tree was full of gifts—I ran crying to my room, threw myself on the bed and locked the door. My parents chased after me: “It was a joke! It was a joke! Look at all these presents!”

I don’t remember what they had to do to lure me back out, but I never let my dad live that prank down. Every Christmas, he would say, “No, no—don’t tell that story again!” But we would laugh together at it and he accepted my goodnatured ribbing.

Now that my dad is gone, my son has started announcing loudly to everyone we meet: “My mom almost let me drown!” It happened when he was four, in a pool with a lot of family. I turned to say something to my sister-in-law. I heard a splash and looked over to see my cousin lifting Scott out of the water and handing him to me. He had stepped a little deep and she had been the first one to catch him. But Scott’s version is: “Mom almost let me drown!”

He tells this story to friends, neighbors and even strangers on airplanes. Every time he does, I think that it must be my dad’s final prank—a cosmic payback for all of those years I told the story of the bundle of sticks.

And now that I’ve told this story on the internet, I will be ducking and covering!

PS After I published, my mom reminded me of the story my dad often told to embarrass his parents! So the cycle continues. I’ll tell that one next week….

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