Stuffed Animal Roll Call: A Bedtime Story

August 16, 2022

There’s one word in the English language that strikes equal amounts of fear into the hearts of both parents and children……….Bedtime.

I read a meme that sums it up best: 

“Why do the people who want to go to sleep 

have to stay awake to put to sleep

the people who don’t want to go to sleep?” 

In the Mom Flies Solo household, bedtime is preceded by Last Call for Snack, brushing of teeth and hair, and reading books. The last barrier is the Stuffed Animal Roll Call.

Whenever we take a trip, my son wants to take the largest possible stuffed animal, usually Dragon, who takes up a passenger seat and a half. But at bedtime, his attachment to stuffies grows in inverse proportion to their size. “Where is Tiny Horse?” he asks me, his voice rising in panic. (Tiny Horse is roughly two inches high and three inches long.)

“I don’t know,” I say, sifting through his bed. “Here is Al Paca, here is Dragon, Gigi Dog, Big Dinosaur, Little Dinosaur, Hospital Bear, Marshmallow Guy and Mimi.” 

“But where is Tiny Hoooooorrrrrrse???” he wails. I feel my patience like a thin string pulled taut. I’m already tasting the moment after his bedtime when I sit down with a piece of chocolate and a sip of bourbon. But it won’t happen until I find a miniscule horse in a pile of blankets and stuffed animals.

Last night, Tiny Horse was replaced by Eensy Whale—only about one inch by two inches. We were lucky enough to locate Eensy Whale with no problem during the roll call. My heart bumped. Chocolate and bourbon. Chocolate and bourbon. Chocolate and bourbon.

But seconds after the tuck-in, my son panicked. “Where is Eensy Whale?” he moaned as he sat up straight in bed. Scott ripped at the bedcovers and quickly discovered that Eensy Whale had gotten swallowed up in the folds of the baby washcloth he had used as a blanket for it. 

After I got him settled, I went online and ordered a magnifying glass for tomorrow night. 

If this trend continues, I’ll start pricing portable microscopes.

I can hear it now: “Mom, I can’t go to sleep until you find Petite Phytoplankton!!”

Mom Flies Solo

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7 responses to “Stuffed Animal Roll Call: A Bedtime Story”

  1. aah, if you get to phytoplankton you’ll have a scientist on your hands and the world can’t have too many of them 🙂

  2. Oh, I so feel for you. I appreciate the strength it takes to keep on with traditions like these, especially when exhaustion threatens. But I do like your own little ritual of capping off the night with a night cap. Go mom!

  3. I make a plethora of teensy tiny stuffed animals. I think S needs a tiny doggie, tiny rabbit, tiny turtle, tiny elephant, tiny cat, tiny sloth…Excuse me while I go to my craft room. Muah ha ha ha!

  4. Too funny and accurate as I remember as a grandma now!! Granddaughter Leora has her entire bed full of stuffed animals and whatever else she can find! Wish I’d known about chocolate and bourbon long ago but can pass it on!!🤣💗💗💞