Adventures of a Single Parent: Online Dating (Part 3)

The Call of Nature

The first time I introduced a guy to my son, I got it all wrong. I mean on every possible front.

We hadn’t been dating that long but it was going really well.

On the way back from a trip, my son and I were passing through the city in which the guy lived.

We all liked hiking. It seemed perfect.

We met at an urban metro park, just secluded enough to feel like we were in nature but with lots of amenities.

Really, what could go wrong?

In the beginning, it was great. We stopped and watched some bison graze. Then we took a trail to a scenic overlook. When we reached it, we admired the view for a few seconds. And then my son (three at the time and newly potty-trained) said:

“Mom, I have to poop!”

As of this writing, a year later, it would be a no-brainer. I’ve earned my Mama Scouts badge in outdoor pooping, many times over.

I know that flat-leaf plantain exists for one reason and one reason only: to serve as outdoor kid toilet paper. 

But at the time, I was caught off guard.

And I was without my Magic Mom-Bag.

“We’ve got to get back to the visitor’s center really fast!” I said.

“No, I can’t wait!” my son said.

Well-Meaning Guy had found a trash can on the trail: “Hold him up over this!” 

“I can’t lift him that high!” I called. 

I ended up holding him over a low bush just off the path. 

Well-Meaning Guy searched the trashcan and found a cup. He dug in his pockets and found a clean tissue.

I scooped. I wiped. I disposed. I blushed. 

I suddenly realized that my hand sanitizer was in the car in my Magic Mom-Bag. 

I spent the rest of the hike holding my left hand aloft and trying not to touch anyone. 

I gave Well-Meaning Guy an awkward, one-armed goodbye hug.

And first time I ever introduced a guy to my son? Well, it was also the last time…

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_{If you enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy Adventures of a Single Parent: Online Dating Part One and Part Two. Subscribe below for more. Thanks for reading!}